10+ Children to a barn room .... legacy of hurt ... a cult of bitterness :(

          I'm going to make a confession now: I have been very very negligent regarding my own self care.  This is hard for me to admit, but I really let myself go.  At the worst stages I had a few 'unexplainable' skin ailments and was obese (300+ lbs).  Very early in the beginning of my life I had asthma (chicken pox, etc. childhood illnesses), but as I got older the emotional problems initiated by various agencies (schizophrenic & manic depressive parental figures) finally got to me.  There were relatives and associations waaaayyy back in the sixties and seventies who sat in the same spot like 'wooden Indians', one guy in particular had the dubious distinction of being the one walking the neighborhood, no home, no address, but walking the neighborhood all day and night!!!
              After a long while in life I started to get negative nods from other people due to my body odor, and the same affliction finally landed me in the hospital with pneumonia where I almost died.  My lack of resistance and overwork as a teacher in particular was very apparent.  A little later the obesity then caused the manifestation of high blood pressure.  I finally realized that I had lost control and that I was in alot of trouble. It all had to do with me not taking into account my grandparents' drafty house of home remedies and that, as good as my grandmother's house was where I grew up, the negatives were outweighing the posities.  Worse, the doses of 'home remedies' that grandma would concoct could have killed me.
              Now, that being said, a friend of mine just kicked me out of her club.  The reason, well I apparently have a lack of sensitivity ... of all things ... in the area of sexuality.  I posted a pic of a man and a woman intimately embracing WITH THEIR CLOTHES ON .... SHE SAID IT WAS PORNOGRAPHIC.  The only people who associate sex and pornography with me are racists!
                         
           Is this pornographic?  Well, anyway, knowing a little something about the issue behind the family's existance I figured out something.  What about those real Waltons, Eight is Enough, Partridges, etc. large families specifically the ones from the past.  They 'developed' their families in those barn rooms and one bedroom houses.  They were families where the parents made love in the same room as the older kids slept making the new younger kids!  I did not have that experience, but, it's not the first time that older kids from these situations have confronted me about their version of sexual morality.  But, rather than handling the situation maturely and realizing that other people did not have their misfortune, my friend flatly 'disciplined' me by barring me from their 'playground'.  I've been similarly confronted by actual rape victims, and those raped in childhood about my open HETEROSEXUALITY!  YES I SAID HETEROSEXUALITY!!  Apparently I can be the pin cushon carrying the cross for the 'family' teaching lessons via being the 'wooden Indian', but if I show any signs of HETEROSEXUAL LIFE, then they presume to scream rape!
             The spill over in the modern sexual world has led me to ask the question: Are heterosexuals included on the gay lesbian transexual spectrum.  For some reason people (mostly gay people) think that I am gay, even when I painstakingly tell them that I'm not.  For some time now they've taken upon themselves in 'JIM JONES-HEAVEN'S GATE' cult style to tell me that I'm 'off color' in regard to what they thought I was.  With the advent of everything OJ and the beating of Rodney King since then the racial overtones of these accusation are clear.  I get it, they want Buckwheat and Rodchester again, Amos and Andy, the eunics of the past.  It's similar to the contraversy about Barbara Eden's naval  on I Dream of Jeannie. 
                    
               But, I am personally sick of these presumptions on the part of the squeemish.  If you don't want to see it, don't f**king look!!!  Every single time I manifest heterosexual tendencies with this 'family', they forget about their crimes and criminal associates, and they think that attacking me is going to suffice.  What's more, without fail the females in particular who had to endure the indignity of hearing their parents go at it have a definitely affinity for gay men, yes that trend.  It's not surprising that they hate the idea of 'normal sexual' identities.  But, as I have stated, when they ignore my self definition and opt for what they would rather me be I get a little testy.  And what they want is that puttywhipped guy, that Norman Bates half stuffing birds in the parlor without his killer half.   That's the type of 'boyfriends' I've seen them with in this cult!!! THEIR EXPECTATION OF NORMAL MEN IS UNREALISTIC!!! 
           Thus, I have spoken!!! My association with that family cult is done ... they have their active felons and internal family revolutions to deal with.  THEY ARE LIKE THOSE OTHER 1960'S CULTS!!! I will NOT be their whipping boy on this issue. They need to come clean with every guy they interact with and tell about their issues before SURPRISING people like me with the notion that everything that is normal and that I've developed on purpose is PORNOGRAPHIC to them.  I am NOT UNISEX!!! Don't play me again!!! Amen! Anon!